I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth”

                                                                   Raymond Carver

Many of us were told as children, some of us relentlessly, about the primacy of giving.

Yes, it is very important to give of ourselves, our time and our money.

We also need to understand that in graciously receiving, we express the dignity of giving; they are both part of the same flow of energy.

In order to give from our hearts we must replenish our own emotional supplies by receiving from ourselves, others and the world.                                                                                                                                                                                                           

When we give from a sense of having enough for ourselves, we feel expansive, full and nourished.

Giving because we “should”; from a place of fear, obligation or burden is not really giving; it is taking prisoners, with the secret desire of being repaid.

When we are doing and giving for/to others; if we start to build resentments, or feel victimized, we may be masking our own need/hope/wish to be taken care of.

Are we afraid we are less spiritual if we also have needs and we want them met?

It is not a crime if we put ourselves first. It is not selfish. It is neccessary.

Perhaps we are confused by the need to balance our vulnerability with that of the rest of humanity.

It is good spiritual practice to want time, space and pleasure for ourselves.

Maybe, this Valentine’s Day and for a few minutes each day, we might stop giving and doing for others and surrender our hands from the steering wheel of life and let ourselves be chauffeured through the day and experience the gifts that await us.

Working with individual clients and organizations and in my personal life I am always amazed at how often we all try to motivate ourselves through shame and fear and how shocked we are when we do not change.

In addition to our punitive internal voices, we live in a world where it is common place for the media to scare us to death about everything!!!

Think about it. When was the last time you wanted something in your life to change? I bet your first thought went something like this, that is, if we are aware of what we are thinking.
Wow, I’m fat, broke, lonely, stuck, what the hell is WRONG with me. That feels good right?

Where did we get the idea that shaming ourselves with commands and fearing the worst outcomes will make good things happen?
Do we believe flowers, trees or clouds hang around demanding that they be different or else!

Shame and fear is all about believing we are not enough as we are. We believe we are to measure ourselves by what we achieve and the stuff we accumulate!
We need to learn that BEING is enough,

Real change comes from acceptance and self love. It comes when we cease to focus on the pimple in our personalities or the fat on our butt and take in the grandeur of creation that is contained within each and every one of us.

Our difficulty in changing is that we forget that “to every season there is a purpose.”

Anything we perceive as flaw is a window into ourselves, a lesson to teach, we are not broken.

Lasting change comes, often slowly, as we learn through our bodies; as we intuit and come to understand that one of our real purposes on earth is to accept our humanity in all its flawed glory.

Surrender to self acceptance can change everything!